Who was I?

I hear my 6:10 am alarm and ignore it.

It's already 7:08 am and Laura is already late for school.

:: I run in some jeans and sneakers to try and make the last 35 mins of class.

I walk in the classroom and no one can recognize me under the new bangs.

I take a cold looking seat and leave my hood on...

I feel different today, not me... not me at all

I'm down to my last cigarette and my second class is almost starting.

I put it out in shame and walk towards the portables.

Its quite here and everyone is swallowing shame because test scores are shortly announced.

Going down the D list was already hell for me.

It wasn't until he reached the R's that I almost fell!

Finally, he calls my last name and shouts: 81! -- a B -- a passing grade.

Which only gave me happiness for a short while...

a passing grade, one relevant symbol of success

When class was over, I'm puffing my last stick realizing that I must face the cold,

again and alone. Without any companion but my i pod... like how its been lately.

I hop on the B train and my usual seat is taken by a short middle aged women

who repeatedly grins at me.

I pass her and walk towards the last seat to the left.

My hood is still on my head and I'm still some sort of  zombie.

I go home, shower, and make up myself for the usual "routine"

I barely look in the mirror, because when I try tears want to appear

I feel odd in MY clothes, in MY shoes!!

Everything seems unreachable and I'm too short for these games!

I am a stranger in my own skin::

I'm trying to remain strong and play the person that I know is in me but today is missing///

It is strange.

I am pretending to be myself because the real me inside is lost, she's banished.

I reach work where things are jumpy and moody --

I cant...

I cant...

I can't continue to write this.. it makes no sense.....

Today is the day I lost myself

and I'm trying to find me

and i cant

and by writing this just makes me more angry

I hate the feeling of

loosing.

 Maybe throwback NERD can help