I hear my 6:10 am alarm and ignore it.
It's already 7:08 am and Laura is already late for school.
:: I run in some jeans and sneakers to try and make the last 35 mins of class.
I walk in the classroom and no one can recognize me under the new bangs.
I take a cold looking seat and leave my hood on...
I feel different today, not me... not me at all
I'm down to my last cigarette and my second class is almost starting.
I put it out in shame and walk towards the portables.
Its quite here and everyone is swallowing shame because test scores are shortly announced.
Going down the D list was already hell for me.
It wasn't until he reached the R's that I almost fell!
Finally, he calls my last name and shouts: 81! -- a B -- a passing grade.
Which only gave me happiness for a short while...
a passing grade, one relevant symbol of success
When class was over, I'm puffing my last stick realizing that I must face the cold,
again and alone. Without any companion but my i pod... like how its been lately.
I hop on the B train and my usual seat is taken by a short middle aged women
who repeatedly grins at me.
I pass her and walk towards the last seat to the left.
My hood is still on my head and I'm still some sort of zombie.
I go home, shower, and make up myself for the usual "routine"
I barely look in the mirror, because when I try tears want to appear
I feel odd in MY clothes, in MY shoes!!
Everything seems unreachable and I'm too short for these games!
I am a stranger in my own skin::
I'm trying to remain strong and play the person that I know is in me but today is missing///
It is strange.
I am pretending to be myself because the real me inside is lost, she's banished.
I reach work where things are jumpy and moody --
I cant...
I cant...
I can't continue to write this.. it makes no sense.....
Today is the day I lost myself
and I'm trying to find me
and i cant
and by writing this just makes me more angry
I hate the feeling of
loosing.
Maybe throwback NERD can help
